INTERVIEWER: Excuse me. MAN: Yes. INTERVIEWER: I wonder if you and your wife would answer a questionnaire for an opinion poll that we're doing on pastimes and leisure. MAN: Yes, of course. WOMAN: Well, I don't know, George. It's getting very late, and, you know... Well, if you'd rather not... MAN: No, no, it's fine. You go ahead. INTERVIEWER: Well, then, do you agree or disagree with this statement? 'I don't have enough leisure time.' MAN: Oh, disagree, definitely. I have plenty of leisure time. WOMAN: Well, I don't. I never seem to have time for anything I want to do... MAN: Yes, dear. Let's get on with it, can we? INTERVIEWER: Now, can you tell me how often you do the following things: Every day? Once or twice a week? Once a month? Very rarely? Or never? How often do you read a book? MAN: Every day. WOMAN: How often do I ever have time to read a book? Once in a blue moon, if I'm lucky. INTERVIEWER: Er, yes. How often do you watch television or listen to the radio? WOMAN: Oh, we watch television every evening, don't we, George? We love it! MAN: It's all right, if you like everything they put on. But radio. Now that's different. I still think it's great and I listen to it every day in the car. WOMAN: I think I only ever turn the radio on once or twice a week. INTERVIEWER: How about indoor games? Do you ever play cards, or Monopoly, or Scrabble...? WOMAN: Oh, very rarely. MAN: But I play cards once a month, down at the club. INTERVIEWER: Video games? WOMAN: No, never. We haven't got a video, have we, George? MAN: No. But I'd like to buy one. I think they're excellent! INTERVIEWER: Do either of you play outdoor games? You know, tennis? Golf? WOMAN: No, nothing like that, never. INTERVIEWER: And you, sir? MAN: No, I don't play tennis, or anything. But I try to go swimming once a week, and we both go for a long walk about once a month, I suppose. WOMAN: Good heavens! I never thought I'd hear him say it! George! - we go for a long walk just occasionally. Certainly not once a month! MAN: Yes, she's right, of course. About the walking I mean. But I do go swimming once a week. INTERVIEWER: Now, how often do you do these things? Go to... MAN: Ouch! I think I've just been stung on my neck! WOMAN: Oh, no! Let me have a look. MAN: Pheew! WOMAN: Yes, there is a sting there. I can see it. A wasp's sting, I think. Just hold on and I'll try and get it out. It won't hurt. Ah, there it is! MAN: Phew! I thought you said it wouldn't hurt! WOMAN: Well... I think we'd better get to the nearest chemist and get something for that. Will you excuse us? INTERVIEWER: Well, could we quickly finish the questions perhaps? MAN: Yes, all right, but very quickly. INTERVIEWER: Well, as I was saying, how often do you do these things? Go to the cinema? MAN: Never. INTERVIEWER: Go to the theatre, opera or ballet? MAN: Ballet? Yuk! No, never. WOMAN: No, never. Any of them. INTERVIEWER: Go to a concert? WOMAN: Occasionally. INTERVIEWER: Go to an art gallery, museum, etc? MAN: Oh, about once a month. I enjoy going to museums. Pheew! This is hurting! How many more questions? INTERVIEWER: Not many. Now, do either of you play an instrument? WOMAN: No. INTERVIEWER: Uh-huh. Do either of you sing in a choir? MAN: No. INTERVIEWER: Do you ever go to the beach or a lake? WOMAN: Well, once a year really. We always have a seaside holiday. INTERVIEWER: Fine. How about going fishing or hunting? WOMAN: No. MAN: Oh, I love fishing. I can think of nothing better than sitting on a river bank in the pouring rain... WOMAN: George! Don't take any notice of him. INTERVIEWER: No. Do you go cycling, climbing or anything? MAN: No. INTERVIEWER: Do either of you paint? MAN: No. And how many more questions? INTERVIEWER: Only one or two. Do you attend a club of any kind? MAN: Yes, a social club twice a week. WOMAN: I go to an antiques club once a month. INTERVIEWER: And the last question... MAN: About time, too! INTERVIEWER: Do you help other people? You know, the elderly, the disabled...? WOMAN: Well, neither of us does at the moment, but I've just put my name down to help at an Old People's Club... MAN: I didn't know anything about that! You might have told me! Anyway, let's get to that chemist's and get something... INTERVIEWER: Er, thank you very much!